i need a wife

in a perfect world, every woman would have a wife.

someone to pick up the dry cleaning, pay the bills, clean the house. someone to sort, wash, fold, and put away the laundry, so i can pretend these things magically appear in their proper place on a weekly basis. a wifey to go grocery shopping. maybe bake a cake every now and then. definitely one who’d cook the meals. someone to take care of all my domestic needs.

why?

1.  hate doing the dishes! i hated them when I was a child, and unlike most vegetables, which i learned to like when i became an adult, i still hate doing the dishes.

2. i've worked 70+ hours each week for about a month. i barely have time to do anything, let alone go to the grocery store so i could have real food in my apartment to actually cook during the time that i don't have.

single people are significantly disadvantaged by the whole wife system. if you live alone, you don’t get someone to do the cooking each night. there’s no one to pitch in with the laundry. you can’t ask someone to stop for milk on the way home. you’ve got to do everything yourself.

to my feminist friends, when i say that i need a wife, don't get your panties in a bunch. i don't mean i need a wife in the cave-man, male chauvinist kind of way.  a wife doesn’t have to be a woman. yes, historically, it has been but who says it must be. at it's root, a wife is someone who handles all the domestic tasks that mount over time.

and who says it has to be someone you’re married to? if there were a way to hire a wife, i might consider it. but there doesn’t seem to be a one-stop wife shop out there. i’d have to hire a maid, then a cook, and probably a personal assistant. someone to cook, clean, pack my lunches, answer mail, pick up any packages, take out the dry cleaning and pick it back up.

maybe, in the future, when i actually have a family and will really need a wife, women will be equal to men and will have wives of their own.